Sunday, August 28, 2011

I Was Twelve When Three Men Raped Me

I was molested only one more time at the age of seven, when my uncle came to visit and stayed with us for a month.  He molested me every night before bed.  The beatings from my dad continued my whole childhood up until I was eighteen.

Growing up I always felt different from a lot of the boys.  I tried to hide it because I did not want my Father beating.  Dad's favorite saying to me was "we should burn all the fagots at the stake"  I was ashamed of myself and was terrified of my Father.  I wanted to run away so many times, but did not want to leave my Mother, Brother and baby Sister.  I dreamed about the four of us leaving my Father behind and starting over without him.  I knew that in order to leave we needed money.  When I was twelve years old, I decided to look for a job.

I heard from my a friend in school, that he had started working with a neighbor detailing the inside of commercial buses.  Not much money but I could do it on the weekend and after school.  I asked my friend to let me meet his boss.  The man was twenty two years old.  He was a neighbor that lived two doors down from me with his parents.  His parents were friends with my Father, so dad approved of me working with him.  As faith would have it, this man was my first gay experience.  I was only twelve and he was twenty two.  (I still don't know how to feel about that.  I say experience because the only difference between what had happened to me a toddler was this time, is that I let it happened.  I knew what it was.  I share this because it's related to the incident that I'm about to describe.)

One day my "friend"/boss tells me that he wants me to meet some important clients that will bring a lot of business; and that he wants to take a couple of his employees with him.  Both my friend and I were the "lucky" ones. 

We arrived at this house and are greeted by three men.  All very nice and friendly and non threatening at all.  We sit in the living room and they all begin to chat away.  Then one of the men there asked if I liked video games, to which I respond yes.  He then takes me into the back of the house into a room to play video games. 

After a little while the other two men that I had met earlier walk into the room.  One of the pulls me away and throws me on the floor face down.  All three of them started touching me and kissing me all over and undressing me.  They held me down, took my clothes off; and one at a time they all took times raping me over and over.  At one point I gave up fighting.  It was a scene I knew too well, and I knew that I couldn't escape no matter how hard I'd fight.  So I gave up.  After it was all over to my surprise the men asked if I had enjoyed it.  One of the men told me that I was the best looking one out of the two my "friend" had brought them.  It was then when I realized what had happened.  I was brought there to have sex with these men, and all three had chosen me to be the "lucky" one.

Aside from the physical pain the men made me feel, I felt emotional pain.  I didn't cry, in fact I did not say a word.  On the way back in the car with all the men and my "friend",  I remember one of them asking if they thought I'd tell my Father "He looks like he's about to cry", he said. "I don't want any trouble with his dad"  My friend knew how terrified I was of my Father and that I would never say anything to him.  He was right.  I knew that if my dad would find out about this, he would find about me having sex with a man, so I didn't say anything.  When we got back home, the three men took money out of their wallets and gave it to me.  I refused it, but they basically forced me to take it.   I never said anything to anyone about what happened to me that day.  I was an adult before I told this story to anyone for the first time.  I was twelve years old when I was raped by three men.


  1. You are now a man, the boy is walking alongside you. Take his hand. Neither he nor you were ever to blame for the abuse, the rapes or the beatings. You are a very special man, you share so much lovewith the world. Please learn to love the boy and yourself. You are worthy of that love. You have a special gift, that of love.

    Nobody is EVER going to hurt you again. EVER.

    Your journey through healing is not over, but you now have others walking alongside both of you too. You will get through it, you will be happy, you will learn love and trust and also get it safely in return.

    We walk this journey together my friend.

  2. Oh my. Prayers, hugs and pure love are being sent to you right now. What a journey your life has taken you through.

    I'll walk beside you too.

  3. it is never the person who gets raped fault, you are a very strong person.